Gail Rudnick and Kim Marstein — the no-nonsense hosts of the hit podcast series “Excuse My Grandma”” — They’re the Post’s new advice columnists..
From family feuds to friendship discord, money, marriage, and sex, no topic is too taboo to tackle. Native New Yorkers explore each issue from a variety of perspectives and share the truth about tough love. And you will be grateful to them.
To get your questions answered, visit nypost.com/ema and send us a note about what you need organized.
Excuse me, please give me some advice.
Some of my closest friendships were forged over nights out at bars and shared confusion. Now I’m craving a quieter, calmer plan. But such friendships don’t exist outside of drinking. Am I abandoning my loved ones or am I just growing into a different person?
Grandma Gail: You’re just growing up. It’s not really about going out and drinking or getting drunk.
The key here is to build relationships that will actually become the next chapter of your life. And sometimes those same people grow up and do the same thing that you’re doing next.
But what if it doesn’t? Anyway, those are just casual acquaintances you connected with.
Kim: It’s so hard because sometimes you haven’t grown up on the same level as your friends, and you feel like you owe these people the reason you still have a friendship because you went to college together, were co-workers, or spent your formative years together.
Maybe it’s a childhood friend, but in that situation we no longer have anything in common. If the other person texts or calls and says, “I don’t want to spend time with you because it’s about drinking, and I don’t like that anymore,” I don’t know how to distance myself. How can I make it slowly fade out?
Grandma Gail: Well, they’re not a deep friendship. It was friends in bars, friends over drinks, friends in college.
In general, what you get in college is…Sorority sisters aren’t the kind of people who live next door to you and co-parent your kids. It is extremely rare for such a thing to happen.
So don’t worry. it’s part of your life. That’s the chapter. They are passageways. And if it changes with the times, it can’t be helped. That’s what’s growing. I think you want to keep people around you who fulfill you.
Kim: But it could be something like an activity. [you] do together is somewhere in between. They can come over for dinner one night.
Grandma Gail: Only if it’s really worth it. Sometimes it’s okay to grow into a different version of yourself.
Excuse me, please give me some advice.
My best friend and I have known each other for 12 years. One day I woke up and realized that I loved her in a deeper way than just as a friend. Is it okay to tell him how he feels, or should he keep it to himself?
Grandma Gail: Well, I think that’s the case when neither of them are in a romantic relationship. I think you can say that our friendship is changing. In other words, do it subtly.
Don’t suddenly say, “I love you, I love you, I can’t live without you.” If you are best friends, it is clear that you cannot live without each other. So, to put it in a cute way, I think my feelings have changed a little.
Kim: It’s very difficult.
Grandma Gail: I know it’s hard, but I think it happens because I spend so much time with my best friend. We’ll have to see how they react. But if all of a sudden they push back, you have to stop.
Kim: This is my opinion. If they are truly your best friend, they will be very understanding whether you say it or not. That is, even if they reciprocate the feelings or not, and hopefully it won’t ruin the relationship. But personally, you have to be prepared for the possibility of the relationship breaking down.
That’s why I’m afraid to tell anyone about it. Because it changes this dynamic that has been great for a long time.
Grandma Gail: They might want that too. So let’s go gambling.
#friend #love